Friday, April 27, 2007

Signs of the End Times

  • As part of the ongoing campaign by Big Food to make sure Americans have the crappiest of everything, from pasturized cheese to tomatoes that taste like masking tape to pork that's genetically engineered to be as low-fat and flavor-free as possible, the FDA is considering changing their standards to allow a substance to be called "chocolate" if it contains vegetable oil instead of cocoa fat. By this definition such substances as the brown waxy coating on Whoppers malted milk balls would legally be called chocolate. More here and here.

  • Today the Dear Leader had this to say in regards to Congress' plan to begin bringing troops home from Iraq: "I think it -- I'm just envisioning what it would be like to be a young soldier in the middle of Iraq and realizing that politicians have all of the sudden made military determinations. And in my judgment, that would put a kid in harm's way, more so than he or she already is."

  • This actual letter, the writer of which is presumably allowed to drive, vote, and reproduce, appeared in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette last Monday.
    You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they? Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.
    CONNIE M. MESKIMEN / Hot Springs

Update. It should be said that if you're going to write angry letters to Hershey's, the child slavery issue is a bit of a higher priority. More here, here, and here.

Buy fair trade, buy fair trade, buy fair trade.


Daylight Juice Savings said...


Rob said...

Yep. You read it here. Daylight savings time causes global warming.

(Takes glasses off, closes eyes, rubs temples.)

T said...

And here I was, thinking it only existed to piss off Arizona....

allez oop said...

I just hope the paper printed her letter to be cruel and funny, or because it was the only letter they got that week. The alternative is just too depressing. (Even more depressing than that dire chocolate issue.)

Rob said...

Yeah, I hope they were laughing in the newsroom over that one. We get our share of wingnut letters at work, but this one trumps them all.

I feel a little silly in retrospect bitching about the FDA's definition of chocolate, considering the industry-wide use of chld slavery. Much bigger issue. If these actually were end times, that would sure as hell be a sign of them. Hence the update.

George said...

tsk, tsk.

Y'all have so little faith in your common people as to fall for that one?

(see the updates)

Rob said...

Well, ok then. It's a damn good hoax, though. You should see some of the mail we get.

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